Surprise!  It’s surgery!  I got a phone call on Monday evening at 5:20 PM.  It’s from the hospital.  The nurse is ready to go over the instructions for my procedure that will occur TOMORROW!  The last time they did this to me, I was upset and confused.  This time, I’m stoked.  The doctor is literally getting me into surgery tomorrow.  

        The hospital nurse had tried to call me at 5:10 PM, but I was in the middle of tutoring, so I didn’t even see the missed call.  Chris texted me, “the hospital nurse is trying to get a hold of you.  You have until 5:30 PM to call her back.”  Holy crap!  “I’m tutoring until 6 PM!” I responded.  During tutoring, there will be times that I’ll set a student up with a problem set or a reading passage, and we’ll each put ourselves on mute.  This particular student doesn’t use the camera (some of my students want to use the camera, others don’t), and miraculously we are each on mute when the hospital nurse calls me back at 5:20 PM.  Thankfully, I already know the run-down.  Use the hibiclens tonight AND tomorrow morning.  No eating or drinking after midnight as if I’m a Gremlin.  I really only need my arrival time and surgery time.  I tell the nurse I only have a couple minutes, and it’s the exact same nurse as last time, so she remembers me.  

        About 5 minutes into the phone call, my student unmutes and tells me she got all the problems except the last two.  I unmute and tell her that I’m on the phone with my doctor, and I have to mute for just a couple more minutes.  The nurse finishes her instructions quickly, and I’m able to get back to tutoring.  I now have to clear my schedule for TOMORROW. 

        When we get to the hospital Tuesday morning for my fourth surgery in a month and a half, the hospital staff recognizes me.  “Fancy meeting you here!” I say to the techs and the nurses.  The anesthesiologist is the same as the first surgery with the assistant Nathan.  During my first surgery, Nathan got me confused with another patient.  This time, the actual anesthesiologist got me confused with another patient.  He started telling me I’d be getting an epidural in my back, and the nurse had to pipe up, “This is Mrs Hawthorne.”  The doctor tried to recover his mistake, “Oh!  It’s because the other patient is in the room next to you!”  Oh geez.  Please don’t give me an epidural when I don’t need one!  Doesn’t really instill faith in me, but I’m at their mercy, and I need this implant out because my skin is trying to kill me.

        I’ve discovered that different anesthesiologists use different cocktails of meds, and they have their favorites.  My last surgery, I woke up IN the operating room.  That was the first time that ever happened–normally I wake up in the recovery room.  It was an easy wake up and a super easy recovery.  This guy must use a bigger dose or a more potent medication, because I wake up groggy in the recovery room, and it feels just like the first surgery (which makes sense, since it’s the same anesthesiologist).  It’s weird because the easiest surgery to wake up from was a FOUR hour surgery.  This one was only a little over an hour, and I feel like I’ve been on an all-night bender ending in being drugged.  As soon as they get the muscle relaxer and a pain pill in me, though, I start to feel a little more alive.  

        I have another friggin drain.  I mean, it’s better than leaking out onto my bandage, but they’re annoying as hell.  I’m all wrapped up in the gauze tube-top (seems to be my favorite summer top this season), but this time it’s not held up by anything.  At least with the tissue expander and the implant, there was a bit of a shelf to hold it up.  This time, it feels like there’s a hole in my chest (because there basically is), and it feels like it’s going to roll down at any moment.  The other thing that’s different this time: ITCHY.  The itchiness is harder to deal with than pain!  It’s so uncomfortable, I can’t relax.  Laying in bed at night, I feel like I’m being attacked by fleas or a case of the DT’s.  Either way, it’s really friggin uncomfortable.