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        (Wednesday 5/29): What the French, toast?  Now the hospital is saying that I’ll be spending the night.  The breast clinic said I’d probably spend the night.  The plastic surgeon said nope, no spending of the night.  The hospital just called me and said I’ll be spending the night.  I guess I’ll be spending the night…

           There are so many instructions.  So much preparation.  The hospital lady asked me if I get winded going up two flights of stairs…um….doesn’t everybody?  Two flights of stairs sounds like a lot…  I told her that I jog almost every day, including uphill, so I think I’m okay…? But two flights of stairs sounds like a LOT of leg work, which is the most oxygen-sucking movement you can do, so I would think I would be winded…I mean hell, I’m winded while jogging, but isn’t that the point of exercise?  Maybe I should have asked her to define “flight of stairs”...

        When I went to the pharmacy to pick up my post-surgery meds, the pharmacist told me “Don’t drive on these meds.”  “Oh I know,” I said, “I’m not allowed to drive for a month after this procedure.”  I think I’ll be in the clear by then.  At least I hope.

 

        (Saturday 6/1): Didn’t spend the night!  Again, they were telling me that I would have room upstairs, the nurses would monitor my drains, blah blah blah.  My plastic surgeon told my husband that he doesn’t know why they keep telling me that because I’m not staying!  And I didn’t!

        Needless to say, I survived the surgery.  They were able to pump up my reconstructed breast about halfway, but I have this gauze completely wrapped around me like a WalMart tubetop, so I have no idea what I look like under there.  I can tell that one breast is high (my brand new one) and one is low (my old one).  The doctor wasn’t sure if they’d be able to pump me up at all, so the fact that they could do half is a great sign!

        Okay, so I have to tell you about Nathan. My surgery was scheduled for 11 AM, but they were running really late.  At about 12:30, my nurse and Nathan came into my room.  Nathan works with the anesthesiologist.  He introduced himself as such, took my remote from the bed and placed it back on the wall (that’s the remote with the nurse call button, as well as the TV controls), and started getting ready to transport my bed to the OR.  My nurse gathered Chris and all of our bags (I brought two little bags that had my journal, a novel, toothbrush and a change of clothes, but then they GAVE us two more bags, so Chris looked like a bag lady all loaded up!) and started ushering him to the waiting room in the main part of the hospital.

        In the meantime, Nathan pulled out a half-sheet of paper with handwritten notes on it.  He looked at it, then looked at me and said, “Amnesia.”

        “Amnesia,” I repeated.  

        “Amnesia,” he responded.  ‘What are we getting at?’ I thought.  Is he being funny?  Is he mispronouncing “anesthesia” even though he introduced himself as assisting the anesthesiologist (not assisting the amnesia-ologist)?

        He looked down at his paper. “I have here that you’ve suffered from amnesia in the past?”

        “I don’t remember that!” I exclaimed.  I thought he was pulling my leg.

        “Are you Mrs Cooper?” I still thought he was joking.  Testing me.  Because EVERY single other person that has walked into my room starts out with asking my name, birthdate, and procedure.  Nathan didn’t do any of that, so I totally thought he was joking.  

        “Noooo….” I say slowly, “I’m Hawthorne….Are you sure you have the right paper?”

Nathan went over to the computer. “Let me just see something…”

        Then we hear a woman’s voice from outside my room, “Nathan? Can I speak to you in the hallway?”

        “I’m in the wrong room, aren’t I?” Nathan replied.

        Then he left.  He didn’t give me my remote back to call the nurse or control the TV (which I had muted when they walked in, so that was annoying because I couldn’t distract myself with the Real Housewives of Dubai).  Chris and my nurse had left, so I had no phone.  But more concerning was that I didn’t have paper and pen to write down the Nathan story!

        He hadn’t even closed my curtain back, so I saw Nathan wheeling Mrs Cooper down the hall.  He didn’t look into my room.

        Thankfully, I heard Chris’ voice back out in the hallway.  They had retrieved him so that he could continue sitting with me.  I can unmute the Real Housewives! (And just a side note, I’ve never actually watched a Real Housewives episode, but the “Dubai” part caught my attention.  That part made it interesting because there were camels involved.)  Apparently they had swapped me and Mrs Cooper.  Maybe she was starting to forget why she was there…