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MRI BX

 

An MRI-guided biopsy is no joke.  The ultrasound biopsy was nuthin' compared to this thing.  My whole body is going to be sore tomorrow because of all the tension in my neck, back, my p*ssy, and my crack.  Well, just the first two.  

 

You can't move during an MRI.  I was face down, boobs in tubes, arms above my head like superman.  Added bonus, my left boob was smashed in between mammogram plates.  They had to put me in the machine, and because MRIs are extremely loud, not only did they give me headphones, they also stuck ear plugs into my ears.  Annoying.  The first nurse that stuck them in did it so hard that my ears suctioned the plugs in and it felt like my head might explode. Then she stuck the headphones over those (which are playing music) AND THEN proceeded to TALK to me.  I can't hear anything, I can't see anything, they can't see my face....but I DID hear her say to give a thumb's up. Yep, sure..thumb’s up.  I go into the machine.  

 

About 7 minutes later, they pull me out, remove the plugs and headphones, and start sticking needles into my left breast through the grid holes in the mammogram plates.  Ouch.  I had two spots to test, so they had to lidocaine both areas to get them all numbed up.  The initial stick hurt, then tugging and pressure.  Every once in a while I’d feel something that hurt, but mostly tugging and pressure.  They leave skewers in my left breast, a different nurse stuck my ear plugs in (not nearly as tight), headphones back on, and back in the machine for a good 5 or 7 minutes.  Pull me back out, realize one of the skewers is not in the right place, so they have to do it again.  There's about 6 or 7 women in the room at this point.  One doctor working on me, one doctor who wanted to watch (they asked if it was okay that she was in there and I said I didn't care--what's one more? Still not sure why she wanted to be in there, but I wasn’t in a position to conduct an interview), and the other 4 or 5 ladies assisting.  One held my hand, one handed shit to the doctor and so on.  It’s funny, because women are different from men when it comes to conversation. They tend to let every thought out.  I heard about the pollen getting all over the one lady’s jeep because she left the top down.  One time the doctor left her sunroof open (she actually blamed her husband for leaving it open, but then she drove the car, so I’d think it would be on her at that point), and it rained all into her car.  

 

When they were talking about moving the skewer, this is how the conversation sounded: "Was it this one?" "I thought she said this one." "I think it was this one." "Oh I thought it was this one." "You want to go ask?" "Yea, maybe I'd better go ask."  I almost screamed PLEASE FOR THE LIFE OF GOD GO ASK!!!  Please friggin go ask! 

 

She did go ask. They fix it, ear plugs go back in, but this time the left ear plug is falling out a bit.  I thought that was fine because it had to be better than the suction-cup ear plug situation. Headphones get slapped back on.  I go back in the machine.

Boy was I wrong about the loose ear plug.  That machine was so friggin loud, I won’t be surprised if I damaged my hearing on my left side! One more thing going down on the left.  

 

They pull me back out, THEN they do the biopsy.  They describe the biopsy as sounding like a watery-dishwashery sound.  Like being at the dentist.  Well, that’s a much better description than the nurse on the phone gave me about the MRI biopsy itself.  She told me it’s like an oil change.  When I asked her how long I would be strapped (for lack of a better word) to the table, she scoffed.  “You won’t be strapped!  More like skewered.”  You’re friggin strapped by the friggin boob to the friggin table.  With a skewer.

 

Anyway, each “nonmass enhancement” gets 6 samples drawn.  And she took 3 more near the nipple (just for good measure? to make sure I’m thoroughly sore? because she saw something?).  She kept asking “was that 6?” or my favorite, “that was 6. Why is the machine still going? Oh. There it goes.” Never a good feeling when the doctor is questioning the process or equipment…

 

The absolute worst pain was my face.  My face was killing me!  The sinus pressure was excruciating.  I wasn’t congested or anything like that, but I the face part was jacked up too high, placing undue pressure on my sinus cavities in my face and screwing up my neck bones, so it felt like I had been punched in the forehead over and over again. Except when you get punched, there’s at least some relief in between fist blows.  This was no reprieve in between.  Just one constant continuous punch to the face that lasted 35 minutes or more.  It was miserable!  But I didn’t realize the face-and-neck-jacked up part until about 20 minutes in, so I still had 15 minutes left in that uncomfortable position!  I wouldn’t be surprised if they use breast MRI-biopsies to torture hostages!  Talk about breaking a person down physically AND psychologically!